Nursing Wounds
by hexterah
Summary: During the LotF series, Jacen is staying the night on Hapes and he gives Tenel Ka a short scare concerning their daughter. One-poster/short story. Written: 11/21/06


**Author's Note: **Yeah, I wrote this right before Tempest came out -- so Allana is around that age, but knows Jacen is her daddykins, whereas in Tempest, he still is just YEDI JACEN to her. Just something to remember while reading this little ditty. I wasn't sure when she was going to find out about him being her dad, but I couldn't help but write this when the idea got into my head. Written: 11/21/2006.

* * *

**Nursing Wounds**

Tenel Ka had noticed Jacen's unnatural behavior ever since he visited her on Hapes to inquire about a fleet. He had been warm to her, still the same Jacen she always knew, but with an underlying sense of alertness and _longing_. She had noted it all, and watched it carefully every time he came to visit after that; when she told him about their daughter and introduced the wide-eyed infant -- every subsequent visit after that when he came secretly to see them. He was always pleasant on those visits, smiling, happy. But he was also very careful, very calculating -- he was taking note of every single thing happening. They would fall asleep in bed together, wrapped up in the silk sheets on opposite sides of the bed, almost feet apart. She found herself watching his sleeping face many nights, trying to read every line, every crease, every twitch.

With the latest visits, he seemed a bit distant and brooding, a tad esoteric. Sometimes when she was around him, she felt a huge knot in her stomach. He made her feel uneasy, the way he stared at her. The way his brandy-brown eyes would wash over her, from her toes and up to her face. They would move so slow and glaze over; like it was the last time he'd ever see her. She never admitted it to herself, but there were occasions when she actually felt like her life was in danger, as well as her daughter's. That _look_.

This night was no different. Tenel Ka was lying awake in the oversized bed, much like she did many nights, facing the wall, away from Jacen. She was on the side by the windows -- he had fallen asleep on the side next to the nursery door. Her legs moved slightly, her right arm under her pillow. The plain tank top she was clothed in, along with the thin pair of pants, were shifted around her form from her tossing and turning.

Minutes passed as her gaze dragged itself up and down the windowpanes and across the carpet, trying to find something to focus on. That something showed itself when Jacen stood up from the bed. Tenel Ka felt her muscles tense instantly. He never woke up in the middle of the night, for _anything_. Not to use the refresher, not to take a walk, not to do anything. He was a fairly heavy sleeper, he often snored slightly. This was just odd. Not risking to draw his attention to her, for fear of what he might be doing, Tenel Ka stared straight ahead and concentrated on regulating her breathing, to appear as if she was asleep.

She heard his breathing behind her; in, out, in, out. She could almost feel the air on her back, as if he was hovering over her. He was hesitating, making sure she wasn't awake.

Once she felt his presence move, her fingers clutched tightly at a handful of the pillow under her head. He was moving into the nursery. Tenel Ka, jaw set, rolled over quickly and seeing that he had already vanished, turned back and slid silently off of the sheets, feet landing in the lush carpeting.

Throwing her Force presence back to the bed, it took almost all of her concentration to hold it there, hoping Jacen couldn't see through that trick. Padding across the carpet to the nursery door, Tenel Ka grabbed her lightsaber off of the ornate dresser on the way. Her mind raced and all she could picture was him standing over Allana's lifeless form -- and then turning and doing the same thing to her. Killing them both within a span of seconds for some damn fool's crusade he told himself he had to perform to save the universe. Her eyes welled with tears once she finally stopped in the doorframe.

The knot in her stomach, it _unraveled_.

Jacen Solo was seated cross-legged on the ground, his back to Tenel Ka, Allana sitting in his lap, giggling quietly. He was whispering to her and Tenel Ka's ears perked up at what he was saying.

"-- couldn't sleep and obviously neither can you. I could hear you in here talking to your monkey-lizard." He waved the toy around with his free hand, the hand that wasn't attached to the arm currently wrapped around her small frame. "What do you want to do, little Miss?"

"Let's go wake Mommy up and play hide-and-seek the gardens!"

"We can't do that. Mommy needs her sleep, she's busy during the day. And most of the time, it's because she's chasing you around."

Tenel Ka watched him rock back and forth slowly, she could see their daughter's red hair near his neck and Tenel Ka realized her head was resting on Jacen's shoulder.

"Daddy?"

Tenel Ka gently set her lightsaber down on a nightstand by the door and vanished behind the frame, pressing her back up against the wall and listening. She held her breath.

"Yeah?"

"Do you love Mommy?"

"Of course I do." His voice was filled with a warmth Tenel Ka missed.

"You don't act like it! How come you guys never kiss and all that nasty growed up stuff?"

Jacen chuckled, "Maybe we just do and you always miss it."

"I don't miss anything."

"I know, kid." There was a pause and Tenel Ka swore she heard Allana mumble _something_, but she couldn't hear what. The next thing she could make out was Jacen, saying something that pulled a tear from where they had been welling. "Don't worry about that. You two mean the galaxy to me. I love you both and I would never let anything happen to either of you."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too."

Tenel Ka moved back to the bed after that, her hand dragging across her eyes as she cursed herself for letting herself cry. It wasn't something she had done often, but the sudden guilt she felt for not trusting Jacen nagged at her. The two beings in the nursery seemed to go silent after that. But once she buried herself back under the sheets, facing the wall again, a thought echoed in her head. Jacen had known she was there the whole time.

_I'm sorry I've been distant, _Your Majesty_. There's a lot going on right now, but I promise it'll get better. I'm just afraid of losing you. Tell me I won't lose you or Allana. _He watched her tense up. _Just tell me._

She felt him in the nursery doorway at that point. He had put Allana back to bed and was leaning against the doorframe staring at her, arms crossed over his chest. The way her emotions swirled around her, he could tell that she would never let him lose the two of them -- her response drove that point home.

_That all depends on you, Jacen._

She felt him crawl back into bed and plant a warm kiss on her bare shoulder. She felt his arms snake around her waist, his breath on her neck, his chest pressed against her back.

And for once, she slept.


End file.
